why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
