I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
