home. puking in laundry basket.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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