Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
