when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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