Your tits are I can't wait for
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
