just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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