Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
