she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
