I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
