You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
