I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
