hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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