erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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