I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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