He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
