Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
