you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
