3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
