Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
