yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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