He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
