this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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