So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
