You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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