We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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