I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
