There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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