she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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