He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
