You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
