just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
