Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
