He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
