I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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