I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
