u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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