There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
