The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
