I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
