Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
