Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
