Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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