I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
