Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
