I wannas sexs uuuuu
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
