i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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