very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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