i would punch a child for taco bell
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
