The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
