I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
