I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
