I think my fart just growled at me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
