If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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