Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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