youre lurking in front of me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
