so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
