I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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