The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
