your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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