he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
