Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
