Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
