i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
