It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
